FAQ:
Weddings
Why do you think that Judaism is so concerned with interfaith marriage?
Since the 1980’s the rate of Jews choosing non-Jewish spouses has hovered between 40-50%. Up to that point the Jewish community reacted negatively to that development. It was believed that intermarriage would threaten the existence of the American Jewish community. However, by 2006 there is a consensus that the time has come to confront the challenge with constructive solutions.
Why do you officiate at interfaith weddings?
The answer is really two-fold. The first is to validate the desire of the Jewish partner to stay connected to his/her faith, people, and culture. The second is to welcome the non-Jewish partner into the Jewish community to the extent they feel comfortable.
What are the major issues in locating a cantor or rabbi for my interfaith ceremony?
First, all Orthodox and Conservative rabbis and cantors as well as most Reform and Reconstructionists will routinely refuse to officiate at interfaith ceremonies. There is, however, a legitimate group from the latter denominations that will officiate. The major issue seems to be the wide variety of conditions that dictate officiation. Suffice it to say, few rabbis and cantors will officiate with the broad latitude that most couples desire.
What is your level of experience?
I have been officiating at weddings for over 15 years. I have performed hundreds of weddings from traditional Jewish to Interfaith to Non-Denominational to civil.
How far will you travel to my ceremony?
I generally am called on to officiate at weddings in the Tri-State region, but will gladly (time permitting) travel to the location of your choice. I have performed weddings in Bermuda, Aruba and Spain among other distant locations.
As a Cantor, do you sing as well as speak during the ceremony?
Absolutely. if the bride and groom like. The old adage, “Music speaks louder than words” might well apply here. People respond to music; it reaches them. If desired, I can sing a song in English, Hebrew, Spanish, Italian or just about any language. Other times I will simply chant the blessings. As I’ve said, this is your wedding, you decide what works best.
Can you recommend music for the processional that’s in keeping with the ecumenical flavor of our wedding?
Absolutely. I can sing during the processional either a cappella or with guitar in hand (if desired) or I can provide you with a CD of various selections I have downloaded which I recommend. There are so many beautiful choices– love songs and popular ballads, and of course, the traditional Mendelssohn Wedding March for either the processional or recessional.
When do we sign the Marriage Application and the Ketubah?
The Marriage Application and the Ketubah can be signed by your chosen witnesses during the marriage service. Do not confuse the marriage service with the wedding ceremony.
The marriage service is private, usually held in a small, but separate room, away from the guests, about 15 minutes prior to the wedding ceremony. The bride and groom and their immediate families, plus those who you will be honoring as witnesses should be present. Witnesses to the marriage certificate from the state can be any two people you choose. Witnesses to the Ketubah can be either men or women or one of each, who are not blood relatives to either the bride or groom. The actual marriages take place here and once the witnesses sign you are legally married.
Do not forget to have the civil marriage application with you at this time. I cannot marry you without it. Keep the marriage application together with the return envelope and papers that come with it.
Recently, a member of my family or close friend has passed on. Is there any way you could mention their name during the ceremony?
In ancient days, this was not done. It was thought that mentioning the name of someone who has gone might bring a reminder of death to this joyous occasion. However, over time, as people have moved slowly into a time of tremendous spirituality, it is nearly normal to mention a person’s name as being here in spirit.
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Common Jewish Terms for the Wedding Ceremony
This is the word shouted by all when the glass is broken at the end of the ceremony. Mazel Tov means much more than, “good luck and congratulations.” Deeper studies into these two words suggest a powerful “sending forth of energy”. In a way, it is a short prayer that the “joyous energy” that is felt at the moment the glass is broken will surround and sustain the couple throughout their lives together.
This custom has several meanings which seal the nuptials. While traditionally a remembrance of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, there are many metaphors that can be applied to this beautiful tradition.
Traditionally this was the written contract between the groom and the Father of the bride. In modern times this tradition evolved into the spiritual contract between the bride and groom. The choosing of this important document together with your partner can become one of the most profound experiences you share while planning your wedding.
Growing up Jewish, one of the most observed rituals is the Kiddush, the blessing over the wine. Wine in the Torah always represents Joy, so it is no mystery that we lift the Kiddush Cup as often as we gather together and especially at a wedding.
This custom has several meanings which seal the nuptials. While traditionally a remembrance of the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem 2000 years ago, there are many metaphors that can be applied to this beautiful tradition.